Jenny Flintoft

Before you get too excited and rush out to the nearest boutique to update your wardrobe, I am not referring to fashion labels, sorry ladies! I am talking about personal labels. The way we see ourselves influences the way we act and relate to other people.  If you are always putting yourself down, even in a joking way, your subconscious may well start to believe what you're saying about yourself.

Let's look at a simple example. If you tell yourself: "I have no self confidence." Then that becomes the label you wear. In many situations you'll probably feel intimidated, even if you do have the knowledge and necessary skills to handle what's happening around you. The strange thing is, when people don't believe they can do something they seldom even bother to try. It then becomes a vicious cycle that compounds their feeling of uselessness and continues to eat away at them.    

Do you know a client of mine actually used the word “stressed” as her password in her work computer? Are you kidding me?!! So every day, when she fired up her PC, that was the first thing she entered into it. Way to go – and guess the reason she came to me for coaching? You've got it. She was feeling stressed all the time!

A small exercise that I like to do with my clients if I suspect that they're labeling themselves wrong is to ask them to write their life story as label, using ONLY six words. It's often an interesting and very enlightening exercise! Here are some examples:

• “Failed Lawyer finds Motherhood spectacularly fulfilling”
  
• “Left a Legacy. Leaving a Legacy”
  
• “Dawdled through my twenties. Now flying”
  
• "Tired of struggling, have no choice"

The first three give you a sense of people on a journey; they are going somewhere and they are looking forward to it. The first one in particular shows that although at one point she felt like a failure, she now is thoroughly enjoying motherhood. Her career is less important and has found fulfillment elsewhere, where she was previously seeking that through her career.

The last example is one of the most demoralizing I have ever heard. That's not just a label, that's more like wearing a lead coat! It's a prime example of how what we believe about ourselves can have a huge impact on how we live our life.

We all at some point in time experience challenges, and I'm not trying to gloss over them, they are real and they are often tough. But regardless of the circumstances we always have a choice. That choice is how we view ourselves in light of the circumstances.

Now back to you. What's your story?

• Take some time out with a note pad and create your personal label. Remember to keep it to just six words. It should describe your life and how you feel about it.
• Next, read the label back to yourself and then ask yourself how it makes you feel. Would you be proud to share your label with friends and family? Is it one that puts a smile on your face and a glint in your eye? Or does it drag you down?
• If your label is one that drags you down, you are going to work at creating a new and more positive label. We both know that no matter how you feel about your life, somewhere there are amazing talents and skills just lurking below the surface. We want to use them to help you start living a life that is more energized and vitalized.
• Remember that your label describes what you feel about yourself, and characterizes how you live out your life. You want it to be one that gives you hope and makes you feel positive, so work on it until it becomes something you are proud to wear!

(By the way, after working with the “tired of struggling” mom for a while she rewrote her label. It read: "Seeing the light, work in progress". It's still a very honest appraisal, but this time it's one that is filled with hope. And she is doing great ? )

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